Chaos and Car Trouble: Bad Day?

Come join me for a totally normal Wednesday... said no one EVER. 

Transcript

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What's up, weirdos? We don't usually do this. I say that we're only three episodes deep, so we don't know what we actually usually do. But I will say this, this is the first time for a, midweek update from yours, truly. So let's get Weirdish. Have you ever had a 24 hour span? That was just total shit? That is me today. That's me. In the last 24 hours I've been rear-ended bank account, been compromised among other things, and then I get pulled over and get three warnings. The main one being my tent on my vehicle is too dark for the state of Texas. And why? Why can't people just let me be? I've already checked to make sure it's not a full moon and it's not. So what's going on with my life? Can somebody tell me I can't speak on it? So naturally, I went to Reddit to figure out if anybody has had a worse day than me, and it turns out they have. So if you wanna feel better about your life, gather round, throw those headphones on because we're about to make you feel good about your day. Solid cat 1 1 1 7 says I got swatted 7:00 AM on a Tuesday morning. I'm dead ass asleep, and they broke down my front door with a battering ram and swarmed my one bedroom apartment with a full SWAT team backed up by cert team. Nothing says good morning, like being face down on the carpet, getting cuffed and stuffed by armed goons at 7:00 AM and those cops had more armor on than what I wore when I was in Afghanistan. M Mala says, me and my friends got robbed once and my friend handed over his wallet, then remembered that his ID was in there and what a bitch it is to get a new one. It is. It really is. So he started arguing with the robber to let him take the ID out, and they got into a full back and forth argument over it. The robber eventually opens his wallet and is trying to slide the ID outta the plastic sleeve thing and is having trouble. My friend snatched the wallet from him, slides his ID out and hands back his wallet. We were all terrified at the time, but looking back, we laughed about how stupid that was. The whole scene could have come straight out of a sitcom. Yeah, I probably would've just taken my wallet and Fran, but that's also stupid. And still probably something I would've done. This one is from Kelly, callie Ave. Eight Rick's, uh, we're just not even gonna go there. We're not gonna go there. Okay.. I very briefly worked as a princess at children's birthday parties, snow White, Cinderella, standard stuff. One day dispatch called me and told me I'd be playing Hello Kitty at a party. I didn't even know that was an option, but okay, fine. I got to pick up the costume and it's this giant fuzzy suit with a still hula hoop in the middle, keeping it round and a giant head with some mesh in the mouth that I can barely see out of. This was going to be a long hour. Yeah. Bam. I feel you. No, I don't. I've never done something like that. I lied. So I get to the party and it's outside in this family's backyard, I do all my shtick face painting, balloon, animals magic tricks, but there's still about 15 minutes left to kill. So I ask the kids if they wanna play a game. The kids have some random made up game where you throw a ball and tag the tree and run back to a certain point or whatever. So I say, fine, let's play now what I couldn't tell from the poor vision out of the mesh costume head was that the yard we were in was situated at the top of a very steep heel. I went to catch a ball and suddenly everything was spinning. I was rolling. The hula hoop kept its shape, so my feet never touched the ground. I rolled like a giant fuzzy ball down the hill. The giant head flew off and I landed at the bottom in a giant bush. I could see tiny heads peering over the side of the hill. Finally, I heard a mom yell. Are you okay? Yeah. Do you need some help? Yeah, it took three dads to roll me back up the hill because my center of gravity in this giant ball wouldn't allow me to climb back up this massive vertical hill. The head was dented. There were tweaks sticking out of it. Half the kids were laughing and the other half were sobbing. I walked straight through to the kitchen and out the front door without bothering to say I was leaving and see if I'd get a tip. I wanted to leave so badly. I attempted to get in my Saturn with the suit still on, but that wasn't going to happen. I had to change awkwardly behind my car and left as quickly as possible. Horrifying at the time. Thankfully. This was pre smartphone, so it wasn't all over YouTube the next day, although now I think I'd like to see it. It's pretty hilarious in retrospect. Yeah, I would've liked to see that too, especially if your feet weren't touching the ground. This one is from a deleted user. I was walking down the hallway talking to my crush when I suddenly had to fart for some reason, for some stupid reason. My 10-year-old self thought it would be a good idea to interrupt her. Stand in front of her, and say, shh. Watch this and fart. Except it, it wasn't a fart. That's right. I interrupted my crush, got her attention, and then pooped my pants right there in front of her and ran off in embarrassment and shame. Mmm. That's good to my soul. This is from Reddit, Bork. Okay. I was at a family farm working one day as a young teen. I had a friend with me and we had just finished up what we were doing. right. At that time, the tractor was pulling a loaded wagon past, we had two options, either catch the wagon for a lift back or walk. Most of the way we went for the wagon, we ran down a small hill and then jumped a rail fence. Or should I say, he jumped the fence. I almost cleared it. My pants caught on an extended knot and did not let go. My momentum upended me and my pants were still stuck on the fence. I continue to fall until my pants at underwear catch around my knees with me hanging up. Upside down about 18 inches off the ground. Completely unable to do anything to free myself, my friend laughed so long at my little free Willy routine, that by the time I, and now my ripped pants got free, dumped my bare ass on the ground and we got to walk all of the way back. You know, maybe my day hasn't been as bad as I thought. Well guys, if those stories don't make you feel better about your day, I don't think anything will. So until next time, keep it weird.